Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
