Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You just made me feel so damn special
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
