Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
