i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
