Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
did i just pee glitter
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