btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
