Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
