It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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