He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
