I swear she didn't look like that last week.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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