if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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