I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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