so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
