They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
