Taylor Swift is so right about you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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