Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
