I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
