When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I love you. Go after that dick
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
