physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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