so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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