we're chasing vodka with high fives
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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