I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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