Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
