I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
