Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the day after is always just damage control
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
