He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
