forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
