i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
