i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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