So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
