I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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