u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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