Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
