I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
