Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
