I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
