Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
