How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
