My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Screwed.edu
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
