He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
ttyl tear gas
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
