Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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