I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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