K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
