this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
