remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
