Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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