Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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