oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
