I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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