Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
