If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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