saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
