I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
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