the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
