i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
