i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
