If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
